Backslide

It’s so difficult the backslide,
During OCD recovery,

It can catch you completely by surprise;

When I read others’ accounts of similar OCD-related phenomena,
It does make me laugh in reliefβ€”
Why do we do this to ourselves?


The other day I read that OCD is no longer classed as an anxiety disorder (not that anybody would know this for another 30 years) and is closer to Schizophrenia than anxiety. It’s not classed as an anxiety disorder because anxiety is merely one aspect and symptom of it. OCD is a neurological disorder resulting from actual differences in brain structure, requiring a whole section of its own. Which is possibly consistent with the fact that childhood trauma was experienced in many cases of OCD.

(And here is a quote which I can’t provide because randomly the internet’s not working and I’ve resorted to writing this in a notes application. 😩😩😩. How frustrating. And now I’m sweating in irritation and anger. This was supposed to be therapeutic!).

Schizophrenia and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) share some important traits:

β€”Both are severe and chronic mental illnesses;
β€”Both disorders are linked to abnormalities in brain structure and functioning;
β€”Both can contribute to difficulties in employment, interpersonal relationships, and emotional and mental well-being.

International OCD Foundation

But don’t tell my dad that. He already thought that a diagnosis of ADHD rendered one’s opinions invalid 😳.

(And I would add a funny and appropriate stock photo but my internet’s not fast enough to do that until later, LOL. I live in internet poverty).

[picture of small child sliding backwards down playground slide 😡.jpg]

πŸŒͺ

12 thoughts on “Backslide

  1. I can see the illogical behaviours in OCD and an psychotic episode. I think when you have a healthy developed stress management strategy, your behaviour seems to be logical. While as maladaptive coping mechanism seems illogical. I don’t know if I make any sense.

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    1. Haha! Yes you summed it up quite well in fact. The thing with OCD is it’s not a reflection of your logical mind. You do the compulsions despite knowing how illogical the obsessions and compulsions are. You are not deluded. Whereas schizo-obsessive behaviours apparently involve delusion and actual belief in them. So they can look similar and that can make diagnoses of schizophrenia difficult.

      And yeah, back in the day my way of coping was keeping the OCD at bay with exercise. Once I did strenuous exercise only my normal logical brain remained. The thought of not exercising or not being able to was unimaginable, because it would leave me open to this…

      So yeah, OCD is what my brain does when I don’t have exercise and outdoors available as a coping mechanism 😏.

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  2. Thanks for the update. Makes so much more sense than “anxiety disorder.”. As of the schizoaffective family myself, I can relate to OCD symptomology. Take care. Be blessed. πŸ•ŠοΈβœŒοΈπŸ’•πŸ™‚

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  3. Do you have “earworms,” i.e. music stuck in your head? I have it twenty-four seven. Another thing I do is having conversations with people in my head, usually people I know. It’s like I can’t just think on my own, I have to always be telling my thoughts to someone in imaginary conversations. If I think too much about it it scares the hell out of me because I can’t escape it. Dunno if this is typical for everyone or if it’s just me.

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      1. Haha! Funny.

        Haha, yes! Even when I don’t know the words, which is most music. I seem to possess the ability to perfectly play back music in my mind and with perfect rhythm and speed, too. Like if I’m wearing headphones and take them off and continue playing the song in my head, then put them back on I’m always in sync xD. Music is extremely helpful for me so I guess there’s always songs fresh in my mind.

        And yes I have conversations! All kinds of conversations. A lot of my humour comes from these, most of my humorous posts began from snippets of these ridiculous conversations which made me laugh, lol. And yeah, totally, I do a lot of ‘mental narration’ and most of my thoughts are spoken out loud. Something I’ve been practising is thinking without words, which is useful sometimes and much, much faster, like thought at the speed of light 😐. It just gets boring though haha. But I was motivated to practice it because Just Right OCD began attacking all my thoughts (how I was pronouncing them in my own bloody mindβ€” now THAT is insanity!).

        I don’t think you have to be scared of it! I recently found a reddit post where people were comparing whether they have a mental voice or not when reading. Some people read without an internal voice 😳. Some people can’t conjure images in their mind at all. That’s more scary to me lolβ€” NOT having a rich inner world. The more the better. I am sure this is common with most creative people. Creation requires change of state :).

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      2. I can’t even fathom reading without hearing or seeing in my mind. But my conversations aren’t really a creative thing, it’s just that I’m trapped imagining I’m talking to people. I can’t think except in terms of telling someone else in my head what I’m thinking, almost like practicing what I’d say in real life. The more distressed I get about it the less I can stop thinking about it (which entails telling someone in my head about it). When this happens I have to distract myself somehow or I feel like I’m going crazy.

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