The Influencer’s Prayer

Let us give thanksFor our daily stimulationAnd remember our LordWho suffered judgement, persecution and cancellationSacrificing his eternal privacyFor our everlasting sanctity from boredom In the name of our LordWe like, share and subscribe Like, share and subscribe Entertaining Of The 5,000 His followers answered: "Where could we get enough content to entertain such a crowd?" …

Licensed To Party

What a fascinating spectacle…How to define in lawA social occasion? Can you defend your gatheringWas it a partyWas it a dinnerWas it a work meetingDid you play Hungry Hippos? When does a meetingBecome a partyAnd when does a partyBecome a meetingTherein lies the built-in, implicit needFor discretion and subjective judgement But that doesn't hold up …

STOAT

If you find that you're not the GOATYou may be the STOAT;StretchiestTrousersOf All Time. Photo by sour moha on Unsplash Who's wearing the trousers in this relationship? …Stretchy or not? You either die a GOAT 🐐,Or you live long enough to see yourself become the STOAT 👖. Bleeehhhhh— 🌪

Reductio Ad Absurdum

There weren't any parties I didn't attend any parties It was a work meeting I was only there for twenty minutes I was boosting team morale I only had one drink Nobody told me I was drunk It wasn't a birthday party That's not music I've never had a birthday Nobody told me it was …

Special Cuteness Of Misty 🐕‍🦺

You naughty dog you're too cute,You're not allowed to be that cute,There's a universal limit to cuteness, Like the speed of light,The cuteness of Misty™️, If you spend too long near to the cuteness of Misty relative to an inertial cuteness frame,Once you return to the reference frame of the observer,Everything will be all ugly …

Em-Dash— To The Heart 🖕

—|—😓—|——|—😱—|——|—😭—|— Stab me with your em-dash,Stab me in the heart,Scarecrow my prose awayBurn it, burn it all on the fire, I've been jousted in the eyes,Can't see the words for tears,Flowing poetic aesthetics,Bleeding out on the floor; Operator, operator, This is an emergency,Em-dash razor-wire fortresses, are—Rationing out literatic beauty! The em dash is an incredibly …

Contrived Words

My brain is empty of ideas,But full of OCD; At some point it'll switch around again 🙂. Out of curiosity I just looked up the definition of 'Haiku' since lately it's become as common as the word 'and', and as somebody who hates arbitrary rules— my god is a Haiku restrictive. You'll never see me …

Anti-Vaccine Idiot

Don't wanna be an anti-vaccine idiotDon't want a nation controlled by the mediaAnd can you hear the sound of hysteria?The subliminal 5G mobile data Welcome to a new kind of tensionAll across the vaccination nationWhere everything isn't meant to be okayRing-wing fascist dreams of tomorrowWe're not the ones who're meant to follow'cause my friends on …

Excerebration In Twenty Minutes

Do your embalmers a favour,Browse reddit comments for twenty minutes, Your liquified brain will leak out of your nostrils,Saving them a tedious job. This will also confuse future archeologists, who will wonder—How on Earth did they achieve such empty craniums?Was this congenital or a cultural practice? 🌪

Fourth Literary Dimension?

Should've,Could've,Would've…everybody, ever Yeah, yeah…Would've,Should've,Could've,…But you didn't.everybody's manager I've been searching the ether for additional possibilities to this common expression,(Because I like collections and sets),And discovered a possible fourth one— Goa'uld've (i.e. aliens have done it); Example usage: Yeah whatever mate…Should've,Could've,Would've,Goa'uld've,…But none of that is of any use to me, is it?—So fahck off back to …